FANS MiST POKEMON: THE FIRST
MOVIE Legal stuff: as usual, if Warner
Brothers or anyone connected with the legal side of Pokémon requests the removal
of this page... it's gone.
Note to new readers: this viewing features characters from the online comic,
FANS. (Read this comic.) Viewing
occurs between the first storyline, "The
Fandom Menace," and before the second, "The Most Dangerous Game."
And now let's look in on our test audience...
[We open as the "Pikachu's Vacation" short closes. The DVD
player goes to "pause."]
[TIM, WILL, and
RUMY sit on Tim's dorm room floor. Rumy is looking faintly annoyed. Tim watches
Will and enjoys it. And Will is shaking his head with his hands, as if trying to
rearrange its contents.]
WILL: My brain...
my BRAAAAIIIIIN... TIM: I knew ya couldn't handle
this kinda non-linear filmmakin'. It's sorta like the buttf#$%ing of dramatic
structure. RUMY: Why did they think we needed a
narrator? Did they feel the plot was too complicated for their
[Will screens his eyes with his
WILL: I'm having LSD flashbacks
here... were those really psychedelic scene-breaks or did I just
imagine them? TIM (innocently): What
[Tim waves the remote control
in front of Will.]
TIM: There's no shame in
wussin' out, L'il Willy. You'll just lose the bet. It don't make you any less of
a man not ta act like one. WILL (deep breath):
All right. WILL (deep breath): All
right. WILL (deep breath): All
right... WILL (deep breath): Push... the
And the movie
Opens when the camera is underwater. Rising and
rising to a scenic view of a mountaintop.
The great miracle... and the great mystery.
TIM: An' the great magazine.
(whispering): Who am I? NARRATOR: Since the beginning, human
and Pokémon alike have searched for its meaning.
WILL: Yeah, I can tell by the insightful way they say
VOICE (whispering): What am
RUMY (whispering, barely audible): They
dubbed all this in. It's like they're afraid of
NARRATOR: Many strange and wondrous legends have
evolved from the pursuit of life's mysteries.
(whispering): What am I... NARRATOR: But none stranger than
this tale of the most powerful Pokémon of all.
WILL: You know something? I believe him.
(whispering): ...to be?
Camera goes into a darker place
with orange bubbles, then it shows someone's eye open. Human figures are seen
outside his glass case.
VOICE/SOMEONE/MEWTWO: Where... am
WILL: "Why am I? Wherefore am I? Whither
MEWTWO: This isn't the same. Was everything
before... just a dream? Ohhh...
The room goes dark as
Mewtwo loses consciousness.
TIM: Hey, ya
think he was watchin' "Pikachu's Vacation" before this started
too? WILL: It would explain his
INT. LAB The scientists
scurry around Mewtwo's unconscious form.
Doctor, look at this! DOCTOR:
What? SCIENTIST: Its brainwaves... they're
WILL: Probably not "Pikachu's
OTHER SCIENTIST: Let's run another
scan! ANOTHER SCIENTIST: Its mind is
racing! YET ANOTHER SCIENTIST: We can't lose this
WILL: "I must say something urgent!...
He's flatlining! Clear! STAT! Live, dammit, live!"
ups of Mewtwo's eye alternate with shots of Mew in the past and Mewtwo in the
MEWTWO: Those voices!... They're outside!...
Where I must be!
TIM: No, dude, you're
inside. Guy don't know much, does he?
Mewtwo comes to
life, shattering the glass and wires that have been surrounding
EVEN STILL ANOTHER SCIENTIST: Radio Giovanni's
helicopter! Tell him what's happened! DOCTOR: Quiet! Let us
hear its psychic powers.
its psychic powers? TIM: These powers
have been closed-captioned for the
Everyone stops and crowds around
powers? DOCTOR: For years we struggled to successfully clone
a Pokémon to prove our theories.
they're lazy. They wanna use a superclone to do their research for 'em? Oh,
DOCTOR: But you're the first specimen to
TIM (as Mewtwo): "AAARRGH...!"
WILL (as scientist): "Oh, fudge. I jinxed
The doctor points to a Mayan-style drawing of
DOCTOR: That is Mew, the rarest of all Pokémon. From
its DNA we created you, Mewtwo.
TIM: "We were
gonna call ya 'Mew Junior,' but we thought that wouldn't be demeanin'
enough." WILL: So they got the DNA of the
world's rarest Pokémon from this 5,000-year-old stone carving?
MEWTWO: Mew...two? Then am I only a clone?
Nothing but Mew's shadow? DOCTOR: You are greater than Mew,
improved through the power of human ingenuity. We used the most advanced
techniques to develop your awesome psychic powers.
TIM: Humans do it better.
MEWTWO: So. I am
simply the end result of your experiment. What becomes of me now that your
experiment is over?
TIM: Well, that's why we
designed yer legs to make drumsticks! RUMY: Is
it... proper for you to be talking through this movie? WILL: Rumy, it's improper for us to watch this movie
SCIENTIST: Oh, our experiment
isn't over yet, it's just beginning! Now the serious testing
WILL: As opposed to the wacky,
frivolous testing. TIM: Quick! Whatsa capital of
New Jersey?! RUMY: Hee
The scientists begin talking among themselves as
if Mewtwo was not there. He looks down at his hands, slowly growing
MEWTWO (thinking): These humans... they care
nothing for me. SCIENTISTS:
WILL: Hey, you know what would be
an even better idea than designing a super-powerful creature that could READ
YOUR MIND and then expecting it to be your slave? RUMY: What? WILL:
MEWTWO: Is that my purpose? Am I just an
experiment? A laboratory specimen? This cannot be my
Mewtwo floats up and starts destroying the whole
WILL: Hey! "Pikachu's Vacation" said
Pokémon were FRIENDLY creatures and preferred COOPERATION! So cut that
Lots of little metal hand-like things come down to
grapple him, but his psychic powers shatter them easily.
Soon the whole lab is in flames. Mewtwo emerges in
a cocoon of light and energy that protects him. The Doctor faces him, knowing
that the end is coming.
RUMY: I could
mention that they've completely mistranslated Mewtwo's motivation in this
sequence... but that wouldn't be nice.
dreamed of creating the world's strongest Pokémon... and we
island lab goes up in a mushroom cloud.
WILL: Whoa! Whoa whoa whoa! Did people actually DIE in this
cartoon? TIM: Nah. I'm sure they're all just
real, real unconscious.
INT. HELICOPTER Giovanni, the
leader of Team Rocket, comes down in a helicopter. He holds his cat and smiles
TIM: Everybody's more beautiful when
EXT. ISLAND Mewtwo stands in the wreckage,
looking out at the sea.
MEWTWO: Behold my powers! I am
the strongest Pokémon in the world... stronger even than
WILL: "Those arrogant snotbags thought
so, and they couldn't have been wrong!" RUMY:
Is he talking to us?
Giovanni comes up behind Mewtwo,
GIOVANNI: Those fools thought you were
a science experiment. But I... I see you as a valuable
partner. MEWTWO: Partner?
WILL: "I've been thinking about starting up a law
GIOVANNI: With your psychic powers and my
resources, together we could control the world. MEWTWO: I do not need your help
for that, human.
WILL: I mean, what
is there to ruling the world besides blowing up
GIOVANNI: A wildfire destroys everything in its
path. It will be the same with your powers unless you learn to control them. I
can help you do that.
WILL: He's going to
help him be a wildfire and destroy everything? RUMY: Actually, yes.
WILL: "...am I?" TIM: Yer fine, thanks. How am I?
Trust me and I'll show you a way to focus your powers that will make you
invincible. MEWTWO: Show me.
TIM: "...the money."
Giovanni smiles and
INT. TEAM ROCKET HEADQUARTERS - GIOVANNI'S
LAB Mewtwo is in a hi-tech chamber, standing while hi-tech
armor assembles itself around him. Giovanni looks on.
RUMY: Oh, so he's making him invincible by making him Iron
Man! [Will and Tim are stunned. Rumy has never
dissed anything before.] RUMY: Did I do it
MEWTWO: You say this armor protects my body. But
it suppresses my powers. GIOVANNI: Your powers are not being
suppressed, they're being focused. Learn to use them to accomplish your
purpose. MEWTWO: What is that?
TIM (singing): The purpose of a man is to love a woman, and the
purpose of a clone-guy is to hate a man...
Patience, my friend. Your purpose will become clear.
MONTAGE. Mewtwo is
sent into an arena to fight Pokémon. First comes an Onix, which Mewtwo throws
into a wall with his mind.
TIM: There's an
Onix! Kewl! I got that card!
MEWTWO: So this is my
Next, Mewtwo is out in a field, being charged
by wild Tauros. He raises them up with his mind control and Team Rocket captures
them with Pokéballs. Then Mewtwo is in the arena again fighting Alakazam; Mewtwo
throws Alkazam into a wall too.
a Tauro! There's an Alakazam! Gotta catch... WILL: Stop.
MEWTWO: I am in
TIM: NOOO! I am in control! [waves
the remote, pauses, unpauses, pauses, unpauses. Will hits
him.] WILL: You are more annoying than this
movie! TIM: Yes!
Later in the arena, Electron tries an
electric attack, which Mewtwo blocks easily. Next come Gary's Arcanine and
Nidoking. Mewtwo takes both of them out easily.
But why am I here?
WILL: Credit where
credit's due. Giovanni's really messed with this guy's head. As long as Mewtwo's
getting "partner" status, he can't see how little Gio values him, and Gio can
play him like a--
MEWTWO: Now I fully perceive my power. But what is my
purpose? GIOVANNI (O.S.): To serve your
Giovanni enters the lab on a catwalk, well above
GIOVANNI: You were created to fight for me That
is your purpose. MEWTWO: That cannot be. You said we were
partners. We stood as equals.
WILL: This guy
is losing IQ points by the second!
GIOVANNI: You were
created by humans to obey humans. You could never be our
equal. MEWTWO: Humans may have created me. But they will
never enslave me! This cannot be my destiny!
WILL: "Well, the scientists were keeping me in slavery originally,
and Giovanni tricked me into slavery until today, but... third time is the
Mewtwo begins blowing up everything
GIOVANNI: Stop this now!
WILL: IQ loss... complete.
MEWTWO: I was not born a Pokémon, I was created.
And my creators have used and betrayed me. So... I stand
WILL: Like the
Mewtwo blows his way out of Team Rocket HQ and
flies off, while his armor slowly falls off into the sea. He lands on another
island. His armor's helmet falls at his feet.
TIM: Oh no... he's... litterin'!
MEWTWO: Who am
I? What is my true destiny? I will find my own purpose, and destroy all who
oppose me. Human and Pokémon alike... the world will heed my warning. The reign
of Mewtwo will soon begin!
TIM: So when he
dies, who succeeds 'im? Mewtwo II?
TITLE CREDITS: Biiig
computer animated Pokéball open to reveal the title: MEWTWO STRIKES
TIM: Ta be followed by the sequel:
MEWTHREE STRIKES OUT.
EXT. FOREST Brock is cooking lunch
for everyone. Misty sees to Togepi. Ash sits with his chin on the lunch
ANNOYING NARRATOR: Today, Ash, Brock, and Misty
are taking a short break from their Pokémon adventures. As always, Ash is
determined to become a Pokémon master, and as always, he's ready to endure any
hardship, bear any burden, with strength, stamina, and a will of
TIM: Stop, man. Yer gettin' me so
ASH: Hungry... need
food... MISTY: Oh, Ash! You haven't done a thing all
WILL: Maybe we can keep him from doing
anything for the rest of the movie.
ASH: I'm too weak to
work, Misty! I haven't eaten since breakfast! MISTY
WILL: Awww. Love is so
cute. And stupid.
BROCK: This lunch is gonna be just
perfect for you, Ash. It's my Lazy-Boy No-Chew Stew!
TIM: See, ya just bite inta the La-Z-Boy, choke, an'
die! WILL: Don't get my hopes up like
Pikachu and Togepi spot someone coming. He's dressed
like a pirate.
PIRATE: Hey, you there! I'm lookin' from a Pokémon
trainer named Ash from Pallet Town. You know him?
RUMY: "No, I don't know anyone named 'Ash,' since in the original
Japanese my name is 'Satoshi.'" TIM: Yer gettin'
there, Rum'. Slow but sure.
ASH: Yeah, he's
me. PIRATE: Let's have a match! Unless you're afraid to
WILL: "Gee, I am afraid to lose, so I
guess I'll forfeit... wait, that's the same as losing! What can I
ASH: I'm afraid you're going to lose this
WILL: Oh! Oh! (mimes a shot to the
heart) "Touché, good sir!"
MISTY: Ash, you just said you
were too weak to work! ASH: That's right, I am too weak to
work, but a Pokémon battle isn't work!
It's not a job, it's an addiction.
progress. At least his mouth is working.
RUMY: It's poorly lip-synched, to be sure,
The Pokémon intro
music runs through this battle.
I wanna be the very best, like no one ever was.
To catch them is my test, to train them is my cause...
I will travel across the land, searching far and wide,
Each Pokémon to understand, the power that's inside.
Pokemon...gotta catch 'em all!! It's you
and me... I know it's my destiny
Pokémon...Oh...you're my best friend, in
a world we must defend. Pokemon...gotta catch 'em all!!
A heart so true--our courage will pull us through!
You teach me and I'll teach you!
Po....ké.....mon! Gotta Catch 'Em All!
Gotta Catch 'Em All!
is really long to describe. Let's just say Ash wins, even when the pirate pits
three huge Pokémon against Pikachu.
So the smaller the Pokémon... the more powerful the
Pokémon. WILL: I'm pretty sure there's some kind
of rule against three-on-one here...
nooooo! ASH: We did it! MISTY: Well, that
sure was a shocking ending. BROCK: Shocking that Ash moved so
RUMY: In Japanese, that went, "you
only won because your opponent was weak." WILL:
If there's a conspiracy to keep Ash's incompetence a secret, why don't they cut
the scenes where he does something stupid? TIM:
Cause that's all of 'em. WILL: ...Oh yeah.
PAN OUT to Team Rocket (JAMES, JESSIE, and MEOWTH) who
are on a cliff. They have to keep watching our heroes.
WILL: My heart goes out to them.
There's another credit on Pikachu's charge account.
WILL: I take it back.
JESSIE: We've got to
grab him. MEOWTH: I know we've got to grab some rare Pokémon
for the boss but it wouldn't be a bad idea to grab a bite to eat, would
TIM: We could head over to Burger King
an' get one a' them Chokémon Happy Meals!
didn't come here to steal a meal. MEOWTH: I'm
Jessie whips out a frying pan from
WILL: To the moon,
JESSIE: I could cook
something. MEOWTH: Thanks, but the last time you cooked you
wiped out eight of my nine lives.
EXT. SKY A Fearow with a camera flies
WILL: Filmed in
INT. PALACE A
throne hides a mysterious figure (you get one guess) in front of a lady in a
nineteenth-century dress. Mysterious figure is watching Ash and Pikachu on a
number of TV screens.
WILL: A number
of TV screens? He has it worse than we do!
Master, shall I extend an invitation to these trainers as
LADY: As you
WILL: Could a human being look any more like a chess piece than she
Dragonite flies out of the control center with a
purse. It flies overseas, then down. It buzzes Team Rocket and they fall, then
it buzzes Ash and company, knocking them all over, then it lands.
WILL: Is it customary to run over people
before inviting them to parties? TIM: Only in the
ASH: Watch where you're
RUMY: He is. Just not where you
Dragonite hands Ash an invitation card, which looks
like a multiple-choice yes-no question... without a
RUMY: Meditate upon this koan.
The TRUE answer is "yes" AND "no." TIM:
NO! RUMY: Yes. WILL: Forty-two.
ASH: Huh? Somethin' for
Ash hits a button and the card displays a hologram of
WILL: "Help me, Obi-Wan Kenobi...
I'm facing checkmate in three moves..."
Pokémon trainers. I bear an invitation.
Will ya bear somethin' else a' mine?
BROCK: She's really
small, but really pretty.
TIM: Yer really
gay, an' really not hidin' it well.
LADY: You have been
chosen to join a select group of trainers at a special gathering. It will be
hosted by my master, the world's greatest Pokémon trainer, at his palace on New
RUMY: Goodness, I've never heard of
New Island. TIM: That's cause it's a NEW
Hologram becomes a map of the area that the
lady's voice describes.
TIM: Thanks for
settin' that joke up. RUMY: I hoped you'd like
LADY (V.O.): A chartered ferry will leave at Old
Shore Wharf to take you there this afternoon. Only trainers who show this
invitation will be admitted. If you decide to attend, you must reply at once. My
master awaits you.
BROCK (to Dragonite): Is there a rewind
[TIM raises the remote control,
sees WILL looking at him, lowers it again.]
we go? BROCK: Of course we should! I've got to meet
her! ASH: I guess the world's #1 trainer wants to challenge
me to a match!
WILL: Who declares that,
anyway! Since no one actually does "catch 'em all," who decides who the #1
trainer is? The Academy of Arbitrary Sports Ranks? TIM: "I'd like ta thank the Academy..." They check
yes, and hand the invitation back to Dragonite. Dragonite takes the card and
flies away from the group and up the hill...
WILL: ...running over seagulls on his way
out... ...but Jessie, James and Meowth
take out a net and smack it against Dragonite's head, blocking his flight.
WILL: Butterfly Collecting for Perpetual
JESSIE: We want to know what's so special
about the twerp trio's special delivery!
falls out of Dragonite's purse.
look! JAMES: "Yes?" To what?
INT. PALACE We
see Mewtwo waving his hand back and forth moving the clouds, causing a big storm
TIM: He's like the evil Bugs
Bunny, conductin' an opera.
INT. BOTTOM OF
OCEAN We see Mew sleeping in a bubble underwater. As the
bubble floats to the top and pops, Mew wakes up and flies off.
WILL: I'm not even going into the physics
on this one.
RUMY: A line they didn't mistranslate. How...
EXT. FERRY STATION Ash, Misty,
Brock, Togepi, and Pikachu run out of the storm and...
WILL: ...into a brick wall. TIM:
...inta those Pokémon Nurses gettin' it on. WILL: An electrified brick wall.
STATION ...into the ferry station. All the other trainers who
were invited are already there. Ash and company are splattered with
MISTY: Togepi's totally soaked!
RUMY: So? He's a water Pokémon. TIM:
Yeah, but that ain't water.
BROCK: I can't believe how
fast the storm came up!
Trainers have begun to crowd by
the door. OFFICER JENNY and an oddly mystical older woman named BOIJER stand by
the door and try to calm them.
TIM: Oh yeah,
babes. Calm ME down. I been a bad boy.
(chatter) The ferry was canceled? CUTE POKEMON TRAINER
("SWEET"): But I've got to get to New Island!
WILL: "Sweet?" TIM:
OFFICER JENNY: It's more than just rain! The
harbor manager thinks this could be the worst storm
ever! BOIJER: Listen to me.
RUMY: I'm trying, but that accent... is
difficult. WILL (Transylvanian) "Blah, blah,
BOIJER: The prophets have predicted the return
of the Wings of Water.
TIM: "Prophets?" DS9
BOIJER: For years I have prayed that mankind
would feel that deadly storm ever again. JENNY: Isn't that
just a legend?
RUMY: Junsa-san, it's
never just a legend. Read manga.
ancient writings tell of the storm wiping out all but a few Pokémon. In their
sorrow, the water of their tears somehow restored the lives lost. But there are
no Pokémon tears today. Just water, which no one can
WILL: Do they just have no Weather
Channel out here?
JENNY: And that's why your ferry to
New Island's been cancelled. ARROGANT POKEMON TRAINER ("UMIO"): Well, I'm going
to New Island anyway. My Pokémon are watertight!
WILL: As opposed to the "leaky Pokémon." TIM: Like Togepi?
fair! UMIO: We'll just swim over to that
TIM: Well, actchally, HE'LL swim an'
I'll take all the credit.
BOIJER: I warn you, the winds
will be savage! You will never make it! JENNY: And besides,
if you tried that stunt and your Pokémon got hurt, you'd be out of luck because
we had to close down the Pokémon Center. ASH: How
WILL: "Because we had to close down
the Pokémon Center."
JENNY: Because the nurse in charge
of the Center disappeared last month. And if any of you see her, please contact
me at once! That's a picture of her over on the far
RUMY: Wait, I see her! Or is it only
a picture of her? In this animation style, how can I
Brock walks over and looks at the picture, labeled
"FIND MISSING PERSON."
RUMY: They even
mistranslate the text. That's... thorough.
It's a picture
of Nurse Joy, who is also the "lady" we've seen
BROCK: She's cute. Huh. She sure looks
WILL: Not like I watch this show,
but don't Nurse Joy and Nurse Jenny show up in like every
episode? TIM: Yeah, but Brock's nearly blind.
'Swhy he always squints.
DOCK Some of the trainers go outside in the storm and begin
to cross the ocean. Soroa (another arrogant guy trainer) gets onto his Pidgeot
and flies off. Umio gets on his Gyarados and begins to swim across.
JENNY: Come back here! Or I'll place you under
TIM: It's a li'l late to start makin'
stupidity a crime here. WILL:
Sweet gets on her Dewgong and starts
JENNY: Come ba-- ack! (Her hat blows
TIM: Just her hat blows away?
C'mon! Worst storm ever! Lessee some wind!
Some trainers have no fear. JENNY:
WILL: "You can tell by their 'NO FEAR'
BOIJER: To them, this is just one more
challenge. They follow their hearts. That is what sets them apart and will make
BOIJER: ...Pokémon masters. Good luck to all of
Ash, Brock, Misty and Pikachu run outside and see
WILL: "Why does this
always happen whenever we enter a room?"
ASH: The world's
greatest Pokémon master is waiting for me. Let's use our Pokémon to get to that
TIM: "Well, gosh, if he's waitin' for
YOU, we'll just wait here." Stuck-up li'l prick.
Pika! MISTY: Ash, our Pokémon aren't strong enough. They
can't handle giant waves like this. ASH (sagging, defeated):
Guess you're right. PIKACHU:
RUMY: Well. That
A small wooden ship pulls up with 2 people
in it in Viking garb. They're James and Jessie, but Ash, Brock, and Misty don't
recognize them, the way they haven't seen through Team Rocket's 8,004 other
JESSIE: You vant to cross maybe? Ve take you,
WILL: How about for their next costume,
they just wear some buttons that say, "We're not Team
Rocket?" TIM: "Hurdy-gurdy, bork, bork, bork..."
Ash and company get into the ship, and James and Jessie
begin paddling across.
JESSIE: Ve Vikings are used to
big vaves. Ve get you to New Island faster than you can say
Fahrfreg... They may be right. WILL: Don't
worry, they didn't get it right either.
Meowth is dressed
like a girl in front of the boat. Jessie and James are paddling
JESSIE: Stroke! Stroke! Stroke! Stroke! ...I think
I'm going to have one.
WILL: ...ha. Ha.
Ha... RUMY: Will?
I didn't know Vikings still existed. ASH: They mostly live in
WILL: Ha ha
HA... TIM: Uh oh. He's
MISTY: Something's not right. Are you sure this
As if on cue, a big wave rocks them
JESSIE (straining): Don't vorry, this ship von't let
you down! They all descend a rough bender. Don't get
upset! MEOWTH: Tell my stomach.
WILL (hysterical): HA HA HA AH HA HA HA HA HA HA
HA [Rumy thumps Will on a nerve close to his
brainstem. He recovers his self-control.]
TIM: James is... a ho! He's... a ho! He's... a ho! He's... a ho!
MISTY: It's all right, Togepi. We're going to be
A huge wave or a small tsunami swells in front of
the boat. Everyone screams. When the wave passes, the boat is still barely
standing, but Team Rocket's Viking costumes are gone.
WILL: Must be that magical costume-removing
water. TIM: All RIGHT! All we need is one more
wave for nekkid Jessie action!
ASH: Those aren't
Vikings! MISTY: It's Team Rocket! BROCK: I
knew there was something fishy about them besides the way they
[Rumy looks at
Will.] WILL: Don't worry, Rumy... I can take
Jessie and James prepare their usual
JESSIE: Ha! Prepare for
trouble! JAMES: Make it double!...
TIM: An' shave yer leg stubble!
up): I get the feeling we're going to have to wait!
TIM: Ah, stock footage interruptus. RUMY: It's a common anime theme.
flips over the boat, dumping everyone in it.
WILL: Poor Meowth. Cats can't swim. He's a goner.
EXT. UNDERWATER Misty activates
STARYU, a giant starfish Pokémon, and rides it to the surface, searching for the
EXT. OVERSEAS Brock is
TIM: "James! My one true
Just as he's going down, Misty comes up. They use
Staryu as a flotation device.
BROCK: Have you seen Ash
and Pikachu? MISTY: Not yet...
WILL: "Maybe we can still get away before they catch
The waves knock them under again. Underwater, they
see Ash swimming up with Squirtle.
The water's awfully clear for the middle of a storm. RUMY: Saved by limited animation.
rises to the top and holds on to each other.
together! It's our only hope! PIKACHU:
WILL: "Pull each other down and sink!
It's our only hope!"
Staryu and Squirtle begin propelling
them forward. Soon they sink back under the waves, but all hold their breath and
keep moving forward, forward, forward...
WILL: But the sea is churning so much, they're actually moving
downward, downward, downward.
...until at last Squirtle
sees moonlight and guides the group to it. The group surfaces in the eye of the
storm, where everything is clear.
Pika! ASH: Hey, look!
Mewtwo's palace, flanked with windmills. It's
RUMY: Well, if it's
computer animated, it must be evil.
Mew flies around above the
TIM: "Cloudy an' clear tonight, with
a 17% chance of Mew..." WILL (as Boijer): "And a
100% chance of destruction! Blah! Blah! Blah!"
PALACE-- DOCK Ash and company get to the palace and climb out
of the water onto the dock, where the mysterious lady who is Nurse Joy awaits.
WILL: Pawn Four to Queen. Your
LADY/JOY: My master bids you welcome to the New
Island. Would you kindly present your invitation.
TIM: "We saw ya on TV earlier, but we gotta make sure you're not just
clones or somethin'."
ASH: Um, uh, here it is,
miss. As Ash presents the invitation, the hologram of Joy
WILL: "How about a nice game of
HOLOGRAM: The bearers of this invitation may be
admitted to New Island. BROCK: I knew I recognized that
TIM: "Yer the same chick who's in this
What? BROCK: Aren't you the nurse who's missing from the
treatment center? MISTY: You do look just like
RUMY: Well... yes. And like you. And
like every female on the show except Jessie.
fear you are mistaken. I have always dwelt on this island and have always been
in the service of my master.
TIM: "It was
tough when I was a fetus, but I
dealt." LADY/JOY: (begins to depart)
Please come this way. My master awaits your arrival.
go inside. As soon as they're gone, Team Rocket floats up from the water on top
of Weezing, a rock-based Pokémon.
we all know how buoyant rocks are. RUMY: It
must be pumice.
WINDMILLS Mew plays around in a pretty pointless sequence
that was probably more fun to animate than watch. Like the rest of the
WILL: This is the guy that gives
Mewtwo an inferiority complex?
Ash and company follow Joy inside massive front doors.
They see a reception hall where three other trainers reside. They're the ones we
saw swimming before: Sorao, Umio, and Sweet.
JOY: Now that you are here, all
trainers worthy of an audience with my master are
TIM: "We're not worthy! We're not
worthy!" WILL: You mean we're not "worthy of an
audience?" Oh, darn. Turn it off, Tim.
ASH: There's only
three of 'em. MISTY: Aren't we going to wait for the
others? JOY: Only the ones capable of braving the storm have
proven themselves worthy in my master's eyes.
WILL: Yo, 'Two, have you considered that some guys MIGHT have
assumed, in the absence of other evidence, that the match was postponed on
account of TSUNAMI?
BROCK: Do you mean that storm was
some kind of test?
TIM: "Yeah, but only a
JOY: Please release your Pokémon from
their Pokéballs and join the others. It will not be long before my master's
intentions are clear.
EXT. PALACE The
doors slam shut. Jessie, James, and Meowth, who've been spying from the far
gate, lower their binoculars.
JAMES: Locked out. Now
we'll never know what kind of party we're missing!
TIM: The same kinda party that usually gets thrown by babes named
JESSIE: Then we'll just have to crash that
RUMY: Are they so desperate for a
social life that... WILL:
MEOWTH (angry): You know another way
in? JESSIE: Look over there.
WILL: At the sign that says, "conveniently unguarded
PAN OVER to a sewer with water streaming
TIM: Hey, so I guess those rumors're
true about giant Pokémon livin' in the sewer!
Naaa! But Jessie, how we gonna swim up that thing? JESSIE
(angry): Pretend you're a catfish!
"Choke on the air. Die."
All of a sudden Mew comes down
from behind Team Rocket and looks at them. Jessie turns her head, just in time
for Mew to move out of her field of vision.
WILL: Hallucination is one of the final stages of
JAMES: Something wrong,
Jessie? JESSIE (deciding): No. Come on, let's get
going. MEOWTH: I think this plan's all
RUMY: Nothing could make me regret
learning English for long... but I have my moments.
PALACE RECEPTION ROOM Sorao is close to his Pidgeotto, who
looks like a giant sparrow. He greets the new
SORAO: What took you guys so
WILL: "We thought it was in New
ASH: How'd you get
here? SORAO: I decided to fly over. It was easy; hurricane
winds are a breeze for Pidgeotto here. Hey guys, say
All Sorao's Pokémon say their names.
TIM: Hey, how 'bout a parrot Pokémon named
"Hello?" RUMY: With razor-molting
Then Ash sees a Gyrados in another corner. A
Gyarados is a bluish Loch-Ness monster. Umio sits back, looking smug.
UMIO: Those are my Pokémon. It was no problem gettin'
through that storm. I rode over on Gyarados' back.
WILL: What, no awful pun? RUMY: An
oversight, no doubt.
ASH: Wow, I heard it takes a lot of
skill to train Gyarados. UMIO: Yeahhh... but once you train
it, it's the most dependable Pokémon there is.
WILL: Except for Meowth, whom you can always depend on to make any
scene twice as bad.
SWEET (waving for attention): You
haven't met my Pokémon. Over there.
But don't think it's because we don't care. TIM
(to Rumy): Were you just bein' rude? RUMY:
Sweet points to her menagerie. Then all the
lights dim. There is a bright beam of light coming down the center of a huge
JOY: You are about to meet my master.
The time has come for your encounter with the greatest Pokémon master on
WILL: It's an encounter
group? TIM: "My name is Pointy-Hair Tezuka, and
I'm a Pokéholic."
Something begins to
Mewtwo starts floating down, his eyes glowing
TIM: Mewtwo: Electric
INT. SEWER Team Rocket walks
through the sewers. Mew floats behind Meowth, always staying just out of his
peripheral vision, then vanishes just as Meowth turns
WILL: All that power, and he just
floats around playing twisted headgames. RUMY:
The Mews do have that much in common.
RECEPTION ROOM Meowth stands before his assembled guests. Joy
continues to stand in front of him.
JOY: Yes. The world's
greatest Pokémon master is also the most powerful Pokémon on Earth. This is the
ruler of New Island and, soon, the whole world: Mewtwo.
TIM: "Look how well I've trained myself! Sit! Stay! Roll
over!" WILL: This guy wants a whole section of
the Guiness Book of World Records.
two? UMIO: A Pokémon can't be a Pokémon master. No way!
racism... TIM: "New Pokémon card set plays itself
while you kids run out an' buy more!"
MEWTWO AND JOY (as
one): Quiet, human. From now on I am the one who makes the
TIM: Oh, gawd! She's controllin' his
MISTY: How is it talking? BROCK:
WILL: So how are they hearing
him? RUMY: With their mi... oh, I get
Mewtwo gestures and surrounds Umio with a crushing
aura of blue. He raises Umio up in the air and throws him into a pool. Then he
TIM: The Golden Rule:
"If ya get ta make the rules, yer
golden." UMIO (getting up): We'll show
you! Let's go, Gyarados!
Gyarados attacks Mewtwo with a
Hyper Beam, a wide-lens force beam. Mewtwo gestures and bounces the beam back to
Gyarados, knocking it out.
WILL: "I am made
of rubber... you are made of glue!"
MEWTWO AND JOY:
RUMY: Well... Pokémon IS
child's play. Do you see any adults here?
Joy): Your usefulness is ended.
A light goes on in Joy's
TIM: "OW! THERE'S A LIGHT IN MY
about to faint.
runs up and catches her into his arms just as she
TIM: Sure, yeah, he'll take her in his
arms when she's comatose.
TIM: It's not the bein' gay that gets
me, Brock. It's your denyin' it.
JOY: Where am I? And how
in the world did I get here?
WILL: "Who am
I? What is my purpose? And who the hell styled my
MEWTWO: You have been under my control. I
transported you here from the Pokémon center. Your knowledge of Pokémon
physiology proved useful for my plan. And now I have cleansed your tiny human
brain of memories from the past few weeks.
TIM: Nice how he can generate new powers whenever th'movie needs him
BROCK: Who are you?
WILL: He JUST INTRODUCED HIMSELF! TIM:
"I'm Steve Case."
MEWTWO: I am the new ruler of this
world. The master of humans and Pokémon alike! MISTY: You're
just a bully! PIKACHU: PIKA!
that back! And gimme your lunch money!"
CORRIDORS Team Rocket finds a strange room and they enter it.
Inside, it looks like a darkened and refurbished reconstruction of the lab that
first spawned Mewtwo.
RUMY: ...which it
MEOWTH: Lookit these...
look and see a Charizard, Venusaur and a Blastoise in Big Glass Test Tubes,
sleeping. A Charizard looks like a dragon, a Venusaur looks like a dinosaur with
leaf fronds for spins, and a Blastoise looks like a two-legged purple turtle
with guns mounted inside its shell. No,
JAMES: Are they real?
RUMY: In this animation style, who
JESSIE (disappointed, walking away): I was hoping
there'd be a party.
WILL: "Forget actually
doing my job. I just want to get hammered." TIM:
If you were these guys, you would too. WILL:
Jessie sits on a button and a computer turns on.
It has a very fuzzy screen.
RUMY: It still
looks better than the movie.
COMPUTER: This is the
Pokémon replication syystem. System activated. Pokémon base functioning. Pokémon
DNA sampling sequence now in progress.
All of a sudden a
mechanical arm grabs Meowth and throws him onto a conveyor belt.
WILL: Why just Meowth? How can it tell
James and Jessie are human beings? I can't.
Put me down! What're you-- let go-- woo!
Meowth sits on
the conveyor belt for an instant before frantically scrabbling for
WILL: Ah, Meowth. We hardly knew
WILL: Don't worry. It'll be quick and painless, unlike your entire
JAMES: Meowth! JESSIE: Grab
him! James grabs Meowth and Jessie grabs James just as a
mechanical arm grabs Meowth by the hairs.
RUMY: Hm. They actually seem to care about
Meowth. TIM: Duh! He's a collector's
MEOWTH: Help... me...
TIM: What about a fly Pokémon named
Jessie and James pull Meowth out, but not
before the machine gets three hairs from his tail.
TIM: I mean an insect Pokémon, not one that's really "fly..."
WILL: We're ignoring you anyway.
MEOWTH (in pain): MEEEOWTH! MEOWTH (a
beat later): I made it... but just by a hair.
WILL: Too bad. That hair contained all your vital organs. So
On the computer screen a figure of Meowth's three
hairs shows up.
JAMES: Look. There's your
hair. COMPUTER: Analyzing Pokémon biomaterial
The hairs turn into a double helix, then reform
into a computer-animated Meowth.
Problem. Pokémon appear to be asexual. We've never seen them even dating, let
alone... TIM: ...scrumpin'. WILL: ...Yes.
COMPUTER: Analysis complete.
Pokémon identified. Begin replication sequence.
WILL: Since when do asexual beings have "DNA" to begin
JAMES: Who's that
Pokémon? JESSIE: It's Meowth!
RUMY: Oh, how cute. They're playing the game aimed at
In an empty test tube next to Team
Rocket, a Meowth falls down from a pipe into it. It sleeps peacefully, suspended
JAMES, JESSIE, AND MEOWTH: Meowth? MEOWTH: But I'm
Meowth! JAMES: So's the one in the
tank! JESSIE: That's your clone! MEOWTH:
CLOOOOOOOONE! RUMY: They're just making sure that
Amer-- that children understand the concept. TIM:
What were ya about to say just then, Rume? RUMY: Nothing.
Mew appears behind Team Rocket
again, with the same slapstick shtick as before.
TIM: Translation: "Every time I show up
in this movie, we sell more cards."
The computer comes to
life again, activating a fuzzy, damaged recording.
WILL: If only this whole movie were fuzzy and damaged. Sometimes DVDs
can be a curse.
DOCTOR: I haven't got much time. I pray
this record of our experiments survives. A year ago, we found a fossil that
proved to be the remains of the ancient Pokémon, Mew.
WILL: Wait. He recorded all this while Mewtwo was destroying the lab?
TIM: Giovanni hired 'im for his talent with
expository dialogue. RUMY: This wouldn't be
necessary if they hadn't been so afraid of silence. They cut the scenes where
this actually happened.
DOCTOR: There was
sufficient genetic material to replicate Mew, but Giovanni, who funded our
project, insisted we try to design superclones more powerful than any living
WILL: When it all goes down, blame
your sponsors. Yep, he's a scientist.
attempts failed, but finally our experiments proved successful. We designed a
living Pokémon. We called it Mewtwo.
And now he's doing what you were. They say abuse is passed from the father to
the son... WILL: Don't go there.
DOCTOR: But for some reason the creature's anger is out
TIM: Must be
DOCTOR: With its psychic powers, it's destroying
our laboratory. We dreamed of creating the world's strongest Pokémon. And we
WILL: He recorded this RIGHT IN
FRONT of Mewtwo and Mewtwo PRESERVED it? RUMY:
Well, it's the closest he has to a birth certificate.
computer shuts off, leaving Jessie and James at a loss for words.
WILL: Loss for words?
JESSIE: Sounds like a real
JAMES: Sure does. MEOWTH: One
baaad cat. JAMES: So this must be the
lab. JESSIE: But Mewtwo destroyed
it. JAMES: Somebody rebuilt it. JESSIE:
Yes, but who? JAMES, JESSIE, AND MEOWTH:
WILL: Why don't you guys just think
about that for the next three hours.
MEWTWO: You humans are a dangerous
species. You brought me into your world with no purpose but to be your slave.
But now I have my own purpose. My storm will create my own world... by
TIM: It's always good to
have a goal. WILL: "I'm not sure what my world
will look like yet. I'm expecting a lot of rubble,
BROCK: So you hate all humans and you're going
to destroy us to save Pokémon!
Actually, destroying the humans just MIGHT save this
MEWTWO: No. Your Pokémon will not be spared. They
have disgraced themselves by serving humans. Those Pokémon are nothing but
WILL: "Whereas my Pokémon are...
um... personal assistants." TIM: "Whereas I
disgraced myself by servin' humans without even knowin'
it." RUMY: "Whereas I, a Pokémon and Pokémon
master, am both master and slave."
jumping out of Ash's arms.
PIKACHU: Pika! Pika
pika! MEWTWO: So... you say I am wrong? That you are not this human's
servant, you are his friend?
he said somethin' like "fight the power,
PIKACHU: Pika! MEWTWO: You
are as pathetic as the rest.
WILL: And as
Mewtwo lifts Pikachu up with his mind and
throws him... but Ash jumps back and catches him, landing on his own back. (The
animation in this sequence is not very
PIKACHU: Pika! ASH: Pikachu! MEWTWO:
Humans and Pokémon can never be friends.
RUMY: He can't see it. It was right in front of him, and he can't
see it. WILL: That humans and Pokémon really are
friends? RUMY: That "Ash" learned to fly in
Misty and Brock close in to help
MISTY: Ash, are you OK? ASH (to
Mewtwo): Don't pick on Pikachu.
yeah? Hey, butterball! Are those yer eyes, or didja steal 'em from Frosty the
SOROA: If you are a Pokémon, there's no reason
I can't capture you! GOOO RYHORN!
Ryhorn, a rhinoceros
Pokémon, charges at Mewtwo. Do we even need to tell you that Mewtwo stops Ryhorn
at the last possible second, holds him in midair, then and shoots him back
across the room? No? Good.
Ryhorn! MEWTWO: Fools! Your Pokémon attacks cannot weaken me.
My powers are too great. No trainer can conquer me.
RUMY: "Except me!" TIM: And then he
starts ta beat himself up.
ASH: Then you won't mind
provin' it in a real match!
WILL: But he
just did! Twice, even!
MEWTWO: Is that a
challenge? ASH: You bet it is.
RUMY: "All right. I'll take that bet. I win! That was fun. Let's do
Mewtwo's eyes begin to
INT. LAB Charizard, Venusaur,
and Blastoise come out of their test tubes, prompting Jessie and James to grab
each other in fright.
TIM: He's gay, an'
she's not. What a waste of two perfectly good
JESSIE: They're awake!
walk out the door, and then Mew flies out with them.
JAMES: I'm scared! JESSIE: Me
too! MEOWTH: Meowth!
WILL: "Because we may have fought Charizards before, but they
weren't... clones! That's C-L-O-N-E-S, kids!"
The three Pokémon join Mewtwo as he
addresses the crowd.
MEWTWO: Like most Pokémon trainers,
I too began with Charmander, Squirtle, and Bulbasaur. But for their evolved
forms I used their genetic material to clone even more powerful
RUMY: "Then I had to train the
clones all over again." TIM: "I'm still workin'
out the bugs."
SWEET: Copies? UMIO...
OR SOROA... WHO CARES, REALLY?: They're clones!
WILL: Say it with me, now...
shaking and a huge door opens. Inside is a Pokémon battlefield.
stadium! Mewtwo planned this all along!
RUMY: "And here I thought he only wanted to offer us tea and
crumpets." SOROA: Your fake Venusaur
can't beat my real one! (to his Venusaur) Right,
TIM: If yer Pokémon's name is
"Froufrou," anyone can beat 'im. Includin' Meowth.
(to her Blastoise): We'll blow away that Blastoise, won't we,
WILL: She is kind of
cute. TIM: When was it that you and Kath split
up, Will? WILL: A month
ago. TIM: Yeah, pretty soon ya'll be oglin'
anythin'. Ya perv.
ASH: He may not have a nickname, but I
do have... Charizard. I choose you!
"wants to be the very best," but he doesn't name his Pokémon? This is sort of
like the world's best dog trainer calling his dog
Ash throws his Pokéball. Charizard comes out, and
gives Mewtwo an evil look.
TIM: "Grrr... I
Charizard shoots fire out at Mewtwo, who
easily protects himself with a force field.
Charizard, I didn't say start!
Mewtwo shoots up water and
the fire goes out. He stares down Ash's
MEWTWO: Your Charizard is poorly
trained. ASH: ...Hm.
"Oh yeah? Well... uh... yer ugly!"
MEWTWO: Which of you
will oppose me first?
RUMY: "How about the
loudest, least competent-looking trainer? Then we can work our way up and have
more dramatic tension."
Soroa sends out his Venusaur to
SOROA: I underestimated you last time, but
that won't happen again.
WILL: "This time I
know I'll lose!"
The Venusaurs begin to
SOROA: Razorleaf! MEWTWO: Vine
TIM: Actchally, accordin' ta the
cards... WILL: Shut...
Froufrou sends a couple of rapidly-spinning leaves
into the air. Mewtwo's Venusaur sends out vines that chop up the razor leaves,
then wrap around Venusaur, lift him up, and toss him across the room.
TIM: Little Venusaur Froufrou, chargin'
through the stadium, gettin' scooped up by vine-whips an' boppita'd on the
RUMY: Are they required to call the names of their Pokémon when
those Pokémon are defeated? TIM: Yeah, it's so
the brain damage don't make 'em forget their
You know how the next two battles are going to go,
right? Sweet gets swatted and Ash gets burned. Let's move ahead to the end of
the Charizard battle.
ASH: Charizard's in
trouble! MEWTWO: Finish it.
TIM: Whoa, Pokémon/Mortal Kombat crossover!
Charizard slams Ash's into the ground. Ash's Charizard gets up... roars
loudly... then faints.
ASH: Oh, Charizard, no! Are you
TIM: See, now Charizard's gonna wake up
thinkin' his name is "Ocharizardno."
MEWTWO: As the
victor... I now claim my prize. Your Pokémon.
throws his hands up and 3 Black Pokéballs appear. They shoot out and capture
Shellshocker, Froufrou, and Ash's Charizard. A small gold statue lifts up and
the balls shoot down into the hole.
Balls shootin' down inta the hole! Kinky! RUMY:
ASH: Hey, wait! What are you going to do with
those Pokémon? MEWTWO: I will extract their DNA to make
clones for myself. They will remain safe on the island with me, while my storm
destroys the planet.
WILL: "They will remain
safe on these 100 acres while I destroy the entire ecosystem."
Mewtwo raises his arms again and hundreds of Black
BROCK: You can't do
this! ASH: Yeah, Mewtwo! We won't let
you! MEWTWO: Do not attempt to defy me!
Mewtwo looks at Ash and throws him into
WILL: THANK YOU! TIM: An' Brock thanks ya, too.
MEWTWO: This is
my world now!
Mewtwo drops his arms and all the Black
Pokéballs start flying everywhere. No important dialogue here, not like there
was much before. The Pokéballs are everywhere, catching the trainers' Pokémon.
When they catch them, the Pokéballs fly back into the hole under the raised
WILL: Rumy, did they just cut the
footage of Mewtwo defeating Umio? RUMY:
...No. TIM: Balls, balls, balls, balls, balls,
balls, balls, balls...
The trainers are trying to protect
their Pokémon, but the Black Pokéballs are too many and too fast. Only Bulbasaur
and Squirtle are fighting them off successfully, and even that looks temporary.
ASH: Hey, I know! Mewtwo can't capture them if they're
already in their Pokéballs! Bulbasaur, Squirtle,
WILL: Did... wait... did Ash... just
have... a... Did Ash just have a GOOD IDEA?
Ash holds up
the Pokéballs, and Bulbasaur and Squirtle "zap" back
MEWTWO: It is no use.
Black Pokéballs go up to Ash, open, and capture his Pokéballs.
MEWTWO: It is futile to try to escape my power.
WILL: Whew. False
Misty puts Togepi in her bag and shuts it tight
while Brock holds Vulpix close.
that. "Misty," and only "Misty," manages to rescue one of her Pokémon.
BROCK: Never mind the Pokéballs! Carry 'em
It doesn't work. The Pokéballs claim all the
Pokémon until the only two left are Togepi, safe in Misty's bag... and Pikachu,
running with dozens of Pokéballs on his tail.
TIM: "Gotta all catch 'im!"
follows here, which Will describes in detail at this link. Suffice to say
that Ash and Pikachu make a herculean effort to protect Pikachu from the Black
Pokéballs, and when they fail, Ash dives down the hole after the Pokéball with
INT. LAB Team Rocket is still
in the Lab, which is where all the copies are going. They are amazed at all the
copies dropping into all the test tubes
JESSIE AND JAMES: There goes Alakazam!
TIM: Oh, yeah. Dewgong. With
special "rest" ability. Short for "rest of the abilities were already taken"
They continue to recite randomly selected names
from the Pokédex. Meowth picks up the chorus, then turns back to his own
MEOWTH: ...But me, I got a special place in my
tail for this one.
TIM: Ah, shove it up yer
JESSIE: Look there!
falls down the corridor, right behind the last
All the clones begin coming out of
their tubes and walking out of the room.
copies are hatching!
WILL: Or... birthing.
Or shedding. Or something.
Some more clones come
JESSIE: They're fabulous
things! MEOWTH: Send in the clones!
WILL: Why aren't we watching the dubbed, pun-free
version? TIM: Ta torture
you. RUMY: I've seen it in Japanese. I thought
seeing this would be more educational. And (sigh) I suppose I was
ASH: But where are the real
ones? PIKACHU: Pika? JAMES: I wonder if
they're real? MEOWTH: Clones are.
WILL: Clone! Noun! 1. Copy of a living thing from the same genetic
material! TIM: 2. A computer that copies an
OS. RUMY: 3. The reason no one reads Spider-Man
An explosion releases the black
Pokéballs, and all the original Pokémon come out of them. Squirtle and Bulbasaur
come out of their Pokéballs, which came out of the black
WILL (as James): "I wonder if
they're the real originals?"
Two of the black balls open and
two normal Pokéballs come out; then those open and Squirtle and Bulbasaur come
out. Ash and Pikachu runs over and starts laughing and hugging each
ASH: Squirtle's back! You're all
TIM: Except for, ya know, the planet
gettin' destroyed an' everything. WILL: What was
that about "a world we must defend?"
There's a really obviously altered sequence
involving computer-animated closed doors.
[Rumy winces and sniffs.]
MEWTWO: Humans, you
have served my purpose. I am sparing your lives... for the moment.
WILL: "Destroying the world always makes me
MEWTWO: But you cannot escape your fate.
The hour of my vengeance draws near. Behold. With Pokémon and humans eliminated,
the clones shall inherit the world.
Now they're even mistranslating the Bible. Very
Then there is an explosion, surprising even
Mewtwo. All his clones come walking out. And then...
From the smoke, Ash
and all the original Pokémon emerge.
Who's the cat who won't cop out when there's danger all about?...
ASH: You can't do this. I won't let
WILL: First it was "we won't let you do
this," and then Mewtwo did it. So now Ash feels "I won't let you do this" is
Ash! BROCK: All right! MISTY (seeing Psyduck): Psyduck! BROCK
(seeing Vulpix): Vulpix! MEWTWO: It is useless to challenge
TIM: "I'm already
ASH: It's not gonna end like this, Mewtwo!
We won't let it!
WILL: "We want a BETTER end
of the world! Fireworks, volcanoes, and lots of
Ash stops, gathers
ASH: You're mine!
WILL (as Mewtwo): "I bet you a quarter I can stop Ash without
Ash charges at Mewtwo and aims a punch at
him, but Mewtwo stops him in his tracks, lifting him up.
MISTY: Ash, no! BROCK: Look
TIM: Look out! Flying Ash! Nyuk
Mewtwo throws Ash into a huge statue at high speed.
But just as he's about to hit it--which would cripple him, if not kill him-- a
pink bubble cushions him like a trampoline.
WILL: Pink is my new least favorite
Mew flies up to Ash and stares at him. Then Mew
pops the bubble and Ash falls, about a foot, to the face of the statue. Mew
MEWTWO: Can it
RUMY: If this is Mew's genetic
"parent," then how did they get the fossil? Did Mew just nap underground for 500
Mew makes another bubble and starts jumping up and
down on it, giggling and having a good time. Then Mewtwo makes a black electric
ball and shoots it up, where it pops Mew's bubble. Mew turns around and looks at
Mewtwo, confused. Mewtwo makes another and aims it at Mew, unsuccessfully.
Mewtwo makes 3 more and throws them all up at Mew. Mew dodges them all and
starts giggling again.
WILL: Sort of
that? MISTY: I don't know...
RUMY: "But have you noticed how all we do in this movie is stand
around and wonder?" TIM: "I wonder
MEWTWO: Mew. So finally we meet.
Mew looks around at
everyone, paying little attention to Mewtwo.
RUMY: An attention span shorter than the average Pokémon
player. TIM: Actchally, Pokémon players're very
focused. We're obsessed. That's why we'll RULE!
MEWTWO: I may have been cloned from your DNA.
But now I will prove that Mewtwo is better than the original. Superior to
Mew continues to pay attention to Brock, Pikachu, stray air
molecules, everything but Mewtwo.
know, it is easy to tune him out. RUMY: The
second talking Pokémon... and for the most part, he has nothing to
BROCK: Mew and Mewtwo. SWEET: So Mewtwo was cloned
TIM: No, actchally, Mew was cloned
from Mewtwo. They called him Mewtwo cause he's the "beta"
MEWTWO: (starts glowing) This world is too small
for two of us!
WILL: "Sonny, this town ain't
big enough for the two of us, 'specially with me destroyin' it, an' all... so
I've givin' you till sundown to make me leave
Mewtwo starts chasing Mew everywhere, shooting
more electric balls at him. But Mew keeps flying and
WILL: Maybe it's more like Extreme
MEWTWO: Why do you flee from me? Are you afraid to
find out which of us is greater?
Mewtwo makes another
black electric ball and shoots it at Mew. This one connects. It smashes Mew
right in the face, and Mew goes flying off into the
TIM: Blackballed! WILL: Yes! Now one for Ash, one for Meowth, and one for yourself, and
you'll become my all-time favorite character,
Everyone is then shocked, and Mewtwo smiles...
...But then the same type of ball, only blue, comes back
and hits Mewtwo. He crashes into a wall in a massive explosion.
TIM: Black an'
Team Rocket has just dug their way up from the lab
and have to run to escape the rubble from that
WILL: What's your hurry? Oh,
wait, think I saw a rare Pokémon in that falling debris! Go back and get it,
Mew flies back down. Mewtwo floats up from the
fire and rubble, though it seems to have taken him a few seconds longer than
MEWTWO: So you do have some fight in you. But I have no time for
WILL: "I HAVE NO TIME FOR GAMES???"
What have you been doing for this ENTIRE MOVIE???
Destiny is at hand. Who will rule? My super-Pokémon? Or your pathetic group of
spineless, inferior Pokémon?
RUMY: I think
that's a leading question.
MEWTWO: We were created with
powers far stronger than the originals.
WILL: "And we're on sale in 3-card packs in stores everywhere!
Replace your spineless, inferior Pokémon cards
MEW: Mew, mew... mew mew mew... mew, mew... mew
mew mew. MEOWTH: Mew's got a good point. JESSIE: What's it
WILL: "That no matter how hard
George W. Bush tries, he'll never convince conservatives that he's not
MEOWTH: Mew says you don't prove anything by
showin' off a lot of special powers, and that a Pokémon's real strength comes
from the heart. MEWTWO: My clones don't need their powers to prove their
TIM: "Our hearts can leap out of our
chests and beat up your hearts!"
Mewtwo shoots another
black electric ball at Mew, but Mew dodges it. It just barely misses Ash as he
starts climbing down the statue.
close! Why, why, why must I always hope?
MEWTWO: I will
block all the Pokémon's abilties using my special powers. Now we will see who
RUMY: All the Pokémon's
abilities? Including Mew's? TIM: Includin' his
own? WILL: And then he falls and
Some spiritual or something called "Brother, My
Brother" starts playing on the soundtrack.
TIM: If this were REALLY a song about acceptance, it'd be called,
"Brother, My Sister."
All the clones start attacking the
original versions of themselves. The clones have an early edge, but the battles
soon turn to stalemate.
WILL: Emphasis on
Mewtwo makes a visible blue force field
around himself. Mew makes a pink one. They fly up high and keep ramming into
TIM: BOUNCey BOUNCey BOUNCey
Pikachu looking around at the clone war, until
he sees his clone standing there ready to fight him. Pikachu can't believe it.
The clone crackles a little with electricity.
WILL: Um, hey, Pokémon with unblocked powers over
heEEEYAAAGHH... TIM: Hey, the Clone
Joy, Sweet, Brock, and Misty are only
TIM: Hey, did Somoa an' Umio just
get bored an' go downstairs or somethin'?
Pokémon aren't meant to fight... not like this. It's useless. What can come out
of it? SWEET: Nothing... but pain.
WAR! HUH! What is it GOOD FOR? HUH!
BROCK: Why can't
Mewtwo understand that it's not right to force Pokémon to battle this
WILL: Gee, I don't know. Maybe he
watched too many cartoons with mixed messages.
They're all living creatures. This just proves that fighting is wrong.
WILL: Well... fighting is
wrong... [Tim notices Rumy is
shaking.] TIM: Rumy?
James and Jessie watch helplessly too, elsewhere
in the stadium.
JAMES: I was prepared for trouble... but
not for this. JESSIE: Make it double. JAMES: Now I see how horrible
fighting really is.
INCOMPETENTS! WILL (deeply shocked):
JESSIE: Even the best of friends will fight
sometimes. JAMES: I'll promise never to fight again if you will. Oh,
RUMY: There was no anti-war message
in the original movie! The whole point of the Japanese
version... TIM: There was a
point? RUMY: Was that clones shouldn't be
fighting JUST BECAUSE THEY WERE CLONES! That they were all living beings, all
"real," and had rights as such... They... They took the ONE original idea in
this movie and DISNEYIZED it, those... those GLIB, STUPID, SUGARCOATING... [She
pauses.] TIM: Say it. Y'know
y'wanna... RUMY (finally):
James and Jessie fall down in each other's
RUMY: No offense to you two, of course. WILL: ...Of course not.
something behind him.
TIM: Um... hey! A Pokémon named "Hmmm."
How 'bout that?
It's his clone. Meowth
They take out
their claws and prepare to fight.
"Prepare to fight." I see they practice what they
But Meowth looks at his claws and
MEOWTH: Ehhh, what am I doin'? CLONE
WILL: Meowth's clone can't
talk? That IS an improvement.
MEOWTH: Let's get somethin'
straight, copycat, You-owth ain't gonna push Me-owth around! CLONE MEOWTH:
Myow myow? MEOWTH: Y'mean... we don't hafta fight with each other? But how
can I trust you? You was born different.
WILL: Rumy? There's a little of... RUMY: Too little. Too late.
Meow meow. MEOWTH (looking at his claws again): I almost made a clawful
mistake. But how do I know you're not gonna pull a fast one on
me? CLONE MEOWTH: Myaaa!
WILL: Because that would make the movie
MEOWTH: You're right, we do have a lot in common.
The same Earth, the same air, the same sky... Maybe if we started lookin' at
what's the same, instead o' always lookin' at what's different, well, who
TIM: "Yeah, you're a crook just like
me, of course I'll trust ya!"
Meanwhile Mew and Mewtwo
are still bouncing around, fighting.
continues to beat on Pikachu, who refuses to defend
WILL: Gandhi would be so
And Ash is finally making his way back to the
ASH: Pikachu, quit it! Please! Stop! (falls to the ground).
BROCK: Ash! MISTY: Are you okay?
WILL: Statistic, Tim: How many times in the series does Misty ask Ash
if he's okay? TIM: 4,318. WILL: I said the series, not just this
ASH: We've got to stop this. BROCK: But how?
All Mewtwo cares about is proving how strong those superclones are.
WILL: And there's the little matter of
(ahem, not to harp on this) DESTROYING THE PLANET...
pointless and painful fighting. More sappy music. It's just a bad scene all
NURSE JOY: I'd rather risk my life out in
Mewtwo's storm than watch these Pokémon destroy each other. MISTY: Oh, me
WILL: Oh, darn. See you
NURSE JOY: I wish there was some way to stop them.
I don't know what to do!
WILL: Um, you could
start by separating the smaller Pokémon, who (if you recall) HAVE NO
BROCK: I don't think they'll ever stop. Those
Pokémon look ready to fight to the death!
TIM: Otherwise known as... "The Long
MISTY: That's a fight... that nobody's going to
win. ASH: Somebody's got to take a stand... and refuse to fight... just
TIM: Hey, look! Now yer
girlfriend Sweet's disappeared too, Will!
clone keeps slapping Pikachu in the face, over and over and over, but every slap
seems to hurt the clone more than Pikachu. Tears well, then fall, from the
clone's eyes. And still Pikachu refuses to fight.
TIM: GANDHI RULES! [Will looks
Mew and Mewtwo's fight finally goes on
ground, just as Pikachu's clone collapses in Pikachu's arms. Both Mews suspend
their force field. Ash runs out between them as they charge up to blast each
WILL: So what was the Japanese
version of this one, Rumy? RUMY: Oh, this was a
foolish move in any language.
ASH: You've got to stop
Mew and Mewtwo fire at each other with Ash in
TIM: No, dont'cha get it? He's a
Christlike figure! The name "Ash" means wood, like on the
Both beams hit
Ash. He falls to the ground. He looks dead... and then turns to
WILL: Just for good
measure. RUMY: Because they could never show a
dead flesh-and-blood body in this violent anti-violence special. That might be
MEWTWO (awed despite himself): Fool! Trying to
stop our battle...!
WILL: He says, stopping
Pikachu runs out to Ash and starts shaking
Pikachu thundershocks Ash.
TIM: CLEAR! WILL: Um, yes. Let's electrocute him back to
Then again. Again. And again. And again... until
his batteries are exhausted. Ash hasn't moved.
begins to cry. Then all the other Pokémon look at Pikachu, including the clones,
and they start crying. All their tears float over and land on
MISTY (in shock): Please
WILL: "Please don't save him! I've got
star potential, but as long as he's on the show I keep getting lines like the
one about the 'shocking ending!'"
The tears make Ash
glow, but that's all. Finally, Pikachu's tears fall onto Ash. Ash turns back to
flesh... and back to life.
ASH: Pikachu! PIKACHU: Pika
TIM: No, "Pikachu." Guy's got a
one-word vocabulary an' he can't even get that right.
Mewtwo observes Ash, Mew, and the others with newfound
respect and no hostility.
MEWTWO: The human sacrificed
himself to save the Pokémon.
only in the sense that a drunk driver "sacrifices himself" to save the gene
MEWTWO: I pitted them against each other. But not
until they set aside their differences did I see the true power they all shared
TIM: "If I bottled that stuff,
I could make a mint!"
MEWTWO: I see now that the
circumstances of one's birth are irrelevant. It is what you do with the gift of
life that determines who you are.
TIM: So ya
don't mind if I call yer Mom a skanky crack-ho? RUMY: (grumbles) WILL: I don't know,
Rumy. A lot of great movies glorify war and have anti-war themes... not like
this movie's any good, but it's not a great crime against art... I guess I just
like anti-war themes...
Mew and Mewtwo begin levitating
the clones into the air.
ASH: Mewtwo, where are you
TIM: "I'm goin' ta
Disneyworld!" WILL: "Pokémon's taking THAT over,
Mew flies away with all the
MEWTWO: Where my heart can learn what yours knows
so well. What transpired here I will always remember. But perhaps for you, these
events are best forgotten.
All of a sudden the whole palace fills up with
bright light and everyone disappears...
"Thanks ta my brand-new 'make-it-didn't-happen' power." WILL: He taught them that uplifting, life-altering message and then
GAVE THEM AMNESIA?? This is the WORST THING MEWTWO'S EVER
DONE! RUMY: Do you dislike this movie as much
as I do now? WILL: YES! TIM (embracing them): I love how these shared experiences bring us
closer. INT. FERRY
STATION We've slipped back in time. The Pokémon trainers are
just about to go on the ferry.
OFFICER JENNY: ...this
could be the worst storm ever. BOIJER: You must listen to me.
You have got to find shelter.
from listening to me, that is."
Nurse Joy steps through
NURSE JOY: Excuse me, please. The Pokémon Treatment Center
will be open as a shelter. Anyone who needs a place to stay should come with
TIM: Ohhh, yer invitin' us all back to
yer place! I get it!
BROCK: Nurse Joy and Officer Jenny
are great. They get more beautiful every time I see
TIM: He says, sittin' on his @$$ while
they get some. Phoney. RUMY: Original
translation: "Nurse Joy, the officer, and Ms. Boijer. Even more beautiful than
usual when they are wet by the rain." TIM: Maybe
he's only gay in America.
ASH: Hey guys, how'd we wind up in
this place anyway?
WILL: "Why are we here?
Who are we? What is our purpose?"
MISTY: Well... I guess
we're just here because we're here.
(frostily): How Zen.
ASH: Yeah. Let's
eat! VOICE: Look! It's a miracle! ANOTHER
VOICE: The storm disappeared! ANOTHER VOICE: That's so
WILL: "Great! Now we can ALL go over
to New Island and ALL get our Pokémon captured and ALL forget about
Ash, Misty, and Brock run outside, close to the end
of the dock. Boijer and Jenny stand behind them.
It's good to have things clear again.
"Clear?" RUMY: Just the
Ash looks up and glimpses Mew in the
ASH: Hey, what's that? MISTY: What's...
[Tim zaps Rumy across the nose with
his pinky.] TIM: That! [Rumy grabs the pinky and squeezes. Tim whimpers until she releases
MISTY: I don't see
anything, Ash. BROCK: Except the sky.
WILL: "I don't see you, I don't see the dock, I don't even see the
ASH: Hm. The day I left home to start my
Pokémon journey, I saw a really rare Pokémon. And just now, I thought I saw
another one. MISTY: Well, maybe you're just seeing things,
Ash! ASH: Huh? BROCK: Well, maybe he's
not. ASH: Well, maybe we'll see.
TIM: I see. No, wait... I'M SO CONFUSED! (phony
NARRATOR goes on a little while about nothing in
EXT. NEW ISLAND Meanwhile,
Team Rocket sits on New Island, where the palace used to be.
WILL: Wouldn't it be great if Team Rocket
remembered the moral, even if no one else did? TIM: Yeah, they could be PokéProtesters! Wave signs around that say
"Stop the Madness" an' throw red paint on
JESSIE: I haven't got a clue how we got here,
but who cares? JAMES: This is paradise. MEOWTH: For once, a happy
ending. JESSIE/JAMES/MEOWTH: Team Rocket signing off
RUMY: How long before they
realize they have no food or water? WILL: Those
three? Realize things? TIM: Hey, glad ya came by,
Rume. Glad I was able to corrupt ya inta a rude bitch. RUMY (bowing): Thank you for your hospitality, Tim. I had a lovely
time. TIM (annoyed): Yer just sayin' that ta
annoy me. [Pause.] TIM: Yer learnin'.