Fans

TIM THE FANBOY
I know you don’t think you’re
anything special, and that’s
what makes you awesome, but...
Weren’t you watching her vital
signs while we were in there?

WILL
No, I was kind of distracted
by her face, voice,
conversation, you know,
trivial stuff...

TIM THE FANBOY
(jabs a finger)
Then you friggin’ missed out,
because those curves got a lot
less sluggish after Tim told
his dirty jokes. In fact,
cancer patients at her stage
aren’t supposed to have vitals
that good. Like, ever.

Tim Mitts attempts his usual jocular smile, but does not quite make it.

TIM
Well, uh, yeah... I have that...
that arousin’ effect
on people... I... thank God
that worked...

TIM THE FANBOY
Not just that. You remember we
were told not to take too
long? We were in there for
ninety minutes before she got
tired! My dad kicks visitors
out in five... unless they’re
doing something for the
patient!

There is a beat of silence from everyone as Tim the Fanboy’s words sink in. Fanboy is absolutely quivering.

RIKK
So we can go home knowing
we’ve done a good thing.

TIM THE FANBOY
Like Hell! I think you have a
chance to save her life again!
Haven’t you heard of cancer
patients who’ve found the
strength to fight through
laughter? Or a feeling of
importance? Is it really a
coincidence that her health is
failing now, when the StarTec
fan community is forgetting
how much they owe her?

Will starts to say something about the SF Channel, then reconsiders. Harry looks away, at something painful that only he can see.

SHANNA
Look, "Fanboy," a laugh track
is not a cure for...

RUMY
"Who Mourns for Adonis." There
are parallels with "Who Mourns
for Adonis..."