An' ya know what that means... nobody's gonna want 'em, so nobody'll buy 'em, so nobody'll make very many of 'em, so when people finally DO want 'em just ta satisfy their morbid curiosity (like the reason people watch Ed Wood movies), they won't be able to find 'em, an' they'll be rare, an' you'll make a mint! By "you," o'course, I mean "me," since I plan on buyin' all the copies.
10. Cuguts. Type: Ground. This further evolution of the cute li'l bone-wieldin', skull-wearin' Cubone makes "Wild West" lariats outta old Pokémon intestines.
9. Burble. Type: "Normal." This rare and elusive Pokémon is sought not for its battle skills but for its legendary ability t' make realistic-sounding bathroom noises.
8. Chokazard. Type: Plastic/Poison. When you throw this Pokéball to the ground, it becomes... a Pokéball. Then while yer Pokémon is starin' at it, it leaps up and lodges itself in your guy's throat. Evolves into "Lawzoot."
7. Darwinfish. Type: Psionic. This Pokémon explains the actchual theory of evolution ta Pokémon trainers, causin' them t'have brain aneurysms an' faint along with their Pokémon.
6. Vichi. Type: Electric. This Pokémon electrocutes anyone who does anythin' violent or sexual. An' ya know, that's just about everybody. Best trained by nuns.
5. Splashburn. Type: Water/Fire. Turns all water an' fire attacks ta harmless steam... includin' its own. Sometimes, when it says its name like "Splash... Burn?" ya get the feelin' it's dimly aware of the sheer cruelty of its Pokémon-makin' God. Evolves inta "Darkbright," then "Smartrepublican."
4. Oink. Type: Mud. One'a my many fans sent this in. Lessee here... "This Pokémon can crush opponents with its huge bulk, overcome them with its noxious smell, or make them lose their will t'live with its pointless Top Ten lis"... HEYYYY!
3. Roc. Type: Rock. It's a rock. It don't move, it don't float, it don't have little hands or feet or nuttin'. It's a rock. This was featured in the TV special Gotta Catch 'Em All, Charlie Brown:
Linus: I got a Jigglypuff that can sing all my opponents to dreamland, rendering their atttacks useless, resolving our differences peacefully, and teaching them the true meaning of Christmas!
Lucy: I got a Charizard that shoots fire from both ends, and it snores poison gases, so watch it.
Charlie Brown: I got a rock.
2. Shitfucktwatcock. Type: Verbal. Every time this Pokémon starts ta say its name, the producers call a commercial break, endin' the Pokématch by default.
1. Grundog. Type: Psionic. Able t'make everyone on Earth think that its turnin' tail an' runnin' away means six solid weeks o'bad weather, this weak, no-attack Pokémon makes everyone treat it like royalty. Meanwhile hamsters get put in tiny glass boxes an' shit where they eat all their lives. Where's the justice, I tellya?
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