TEN FEATURES OF AN AUSTRALIAN WOLVERINE

G'day, bub! Okay, sure.

He's gonna be Australian now. No biggie, no foul. He's just gonna be an Aussie.

WHAT TH'#$%@! ARE THEY--

Hey, everybody said Michael Keaton couldn't hack it, an', well, he couldn't, but he got upstaged by the Joker, so that was okay. An' this movie's got Patrick Stewart as da Prof-man. He could upstage the Aussie Wolverine. Could work. There's precedent.

An' just like givin' Batman's mask eyeballs becuz Keaton only acts with his eyeballs, Hugh Jackman's gonna ask for a few li'l changes:

10. Wolverines reclassified as marsupials.
9. "Logan" now "Hogan".
8. Xena an' Mad Max guest in the sequel, "X-Men: Age of Completely Screwed-Over Continuity".
7. Wolvie thinks "freak" and "mutant" are compliments like they are Down Under, accidentally traumatizes group a' teenage students.
6. When Wolvie gets into a berserker fury, he turns into a tornado with arms an' legs flyin' everywhere.
5. Wolv's unextended claws look like the Sydney Opera House.
4. Wolvie almost doesn't make it out of Australia, cuz he's afraid of flyin' an' the airlines are on strike anyway.
3. Wolvie gets in a bar fight, kills entire population of New Zealand.
2. Before he extends his claws, Wolvie always sez, "That's not a knuckle. This is a knuckle.".
1. When they first meet, he offers to give Jean Grey an "Australian kiss". (What's an Australian kiss? It's like a French kiss, but it's "down under"! Har!)

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